How I’m Preparing For Birth As a Third Time (Pregnancy After Loss Informed) Mom

It feels surreal to type the words “third time mom” into that heading above. Can that be real? Am I really old enough- mature enough- to have now had three children? That’s more children than my own mother. Am I qualified to talk about birth experiences or make any kind of recommendations about what could or should go into postpartum preparation? I don’t feel like the other third time mothers do- or at least what I imagine they would. Mostly because I’ve never had the privilege to raise my multiple children in my home, all at once. That, and my birth experiences have all looked so different. Do I deserve to stand among these mothers and make claims as though I belong to them? Is there value to what I would have to share?

And then I think back to six years ago- that twenty-something,  first time mother, medical mother, awake in the midnight hours on a hospital couch bed anxiously pumping until her nipples bled because she didn’t know what else to do as she helplessly listened to a team of nurses sticking her newborn with yet another IV- this time in her forehead. They called it “the unicorn” like that was supposed to make it lighthearted and easier to handle. All it did was break my heart even more. I didn’t know how to be a mother yet, but I was learning, urgently, as I shared my daughter with a team of medical professionals. I would not outsource my God-given role to another, no matter how much more they understood her anatomy than me.

My mind then flashes to the thirty-year old saying goodbye to her baby for the last time on this side of Heaven, and the thirty-one year old losing another baby through the devastation of miscarriage before she’d even gotten a chance to know and name him or her. The way she picked up and kept moving, her only comfort the thought that her two children now had one another. Heavenly siblings, holding onto one another when their mother couldn’t.

Again it moves to the thirty-two year old, second? time mom (who ever knows how to count these things), learning of her pregnancy only a month after miscarriage and working her way through the complexity of pregnancy after so much loss. How she learned to stand up, take God’s hand, and trust Him to equip her for the role of motherhood all over again, even as she felt so broken. Through every vulnerable conversation seeking out help, she found strength. Soon she was convinced the mother she had become could not have been forged any other way.

One more jump. My mind makes its way full circle, to now, the thirty-three year old preparing to welcome her fourth child, third living baby, second baby in her home at one time, and first son. The way she flows like never before. The confidence she has to release what other mothers are doing so she can hold what her own family most needs.

Somewhere, in all of that, I have realized something I didn’t expect. There is no single version of a “prepared” mother, and that’s the whole point. The old me would have studied lists like this, trying to check every box to “be ready.” Then, when some part of that list was challenged by a circumstance I couldn’t control, I would have crumbled. I spent years of my motherhood experience trying to live between two worlds- the fellow medical mothers and the friends back home raising their children in community like I always thought I would be too- never really feeling like I fit into either.

I think a lot more of us feel this way when we weigh our specific circumstances than I first realized. The enemy is loud with his lies.

The truth is God invites each of us to come to motherhood as we are and then he takes us through process. As each of us is entrusted one of His unique children, we are shaped through surrender to God’s will for that child’s personality, calling, and needs. The experience we share as veteran moms speaks more to the selflessness and surrender we’ve learned than the specific strategies we’ve acquired.

I wish more first time mothers-to-be understood that. But they will with time.

So, as I offer these things I’ve learned and share how I’m preparing for my third, my prayer is that you will remember that preparation for motherhood- no matter how many children your home already holds or what the details of their testimony are- is not going to look the same for us all. Take hold of the pieces that feel right for your family and find peace to lean into your own process.

The single best tip for preparation I can offer you is to own your motherhood experience… Just like I’m trusting now that someone out there will be blessed by what I’ve learned through mine.

My Birth Team

When my plans changed and I moved to Miami for my firstborn’s birth at 35 weeks pregnant (to be near a specialized children’s hospital), I had to say goodbye to the medical provider I’d chosen and felt comfortable with in my hometown. The children’s hospital had a newly developed delivery unit so that mothers could be on site in the very hospital their children would be admitted to but, within just a few weeks of opening the unit, the staff quickly realized that, while they were prepared for emergencies related to the newborns they delivered, they were not prepared for mothers’ emergencies. I received a phone call informing me of a tragic event and urging me to change my provider and delivery plan yet again. Being a first time mom (and already a medical mom, at that), I didn’t have a lot of wisdom about the kind of care or provider I needed to advocate for. I simply went where I was told. That’s how I ended up in the care of- what I’m assuming was- one of the only Miami obstetricians who had availability to take a 35 week pregnant patient. Absolutely not a provider I would have chosen on my own, if the circumstances had been different. At two different appointments, she teased the idea of scheduling a delivery that very day, though Savannah was holding steady in the womb and my husband was still living and working on the other side of the state and would need notice to get to me in time. One of these times he left work immediately and drove all the way across the alley before she changed her mind again. What should have been a restful and reflective end of my pregnancy, preparing for the new role of motherhood, was instead marked by feelings of anxiety and helplessness. I was relieved when we put a delivery date of September 25th on the calendar- a scheduled c-section- because at least I could wrap my head around something concrete when so much felt out of my control.

I knew I never wanted this experience again when I became pregnant with my second, about a year after losing my firstborn daughter at the age of three. I had given myself time to grieve, but also time to process my first pregnancy. I read a lot of books about the modern maternity care system and found myself in the statistics of women who were mishandled by professionals who over-medicalize birth. (I stand by the decision of accepting a scheduled c-section for Savannah’s birth due to her specific heart conditions and the need to minimize stress during delivery, but that doesn’t mean I hadn’t experienced other pressures and noticed patterns I would likely be pushed into again. For example, repeat c-sections as a rule.) I devoted myself to research, determined to do things differently. When we understood I was a good candidate for a VBAC, my husband and I made the decision that it would be wise for me to deliver in a hospital setting (given the risk- although small- of uterine rupture), but with a trustworthy and supportive doctor. With a sharp sense of discernment, we interviewed providers and ultimately found one that we felt a lot of peace with. He respected every decision I made for myself, even when I passed my due date and advocated to continue waiting for delivery. Because of this, I trusted him enough to alter my plan at 41 weeks and allow him to induce labor (although only by breaking my water- no chemical interventions) when a hurricane was due to hit our town. I understood I was running the risk of going into labor as the storm surged and not being able to get to the hospital if I waited, so I adjusted my plans. This made us a good team.

When looking for a VBAC-friendly provider, make sure you know whether you are a good candidate. What is your age, general health, and how long has it been since your last birth? What was the reason for your previous c-section? Is your uterine incision transverse? Have there been complications of any kind during your current pregnancy? Websites like Evidence Based Birth and accounts like The VBAC Link and VBAC Facts can help you find the research you need as you consider your specific circumstances. Bring your research and listen for trigger words as you have these conversations with your provider too. How do they respond to you coming to appointments with printed research and a birth plan? Are they truly supportive or do they use language like letting you “try” for a natural birth? Does it feel like there is a power struggle… do they discount your desires by frequently reminding you that they will ultimately do what is best for mom and baby, or do they empower you to prepare for the best outcome through your conversations? Remember, a patient/provider relationship is a partnership. You need to be able to communicate clearly and trust one another. Don’t be afraid for a prenatal appointment to run long because you’ve come with questions.

Although I trusted this provider, I also knew that, in a hospital setting, your provider is only with you at the point of pushing. For this reason, I enlisted the help of a doula. As a midwife is to a doctor in the natural birth world, so a doula is to a nurse. Doulas are knowledgeable in the different stages of labor and explain to mothers what they can expect so they can remain calm. Remaining calm and having the proper mindset in birth can help the body progress. Fear and feelings of being unsafe can actually cause the body to regress in labor. Doulas also help put the body into different positions to work the baby down the birth canal and minimize the necessity of medical interventions. They communicate common side effects of each intervention to help mothers make the most informed decisions, and help advocate for those decisions made with the medical staff. It was my doula who reminded me that I could request a hep lock rather than continuous IV fluids and a wireless fetal monitor so that movement would be unrestricted and I could implement more strategies for getting my baby into position for birth. She even played my firstborn’s favorite worship song as we welcomed our second born daughter- a special moment that made it feel like she was there with us to share in that family milestone. Even with the birth of another child, she would never be forgotten. My specific doula was also a certified lactation consultant, and Justin and I purchased a package which included feeding support hours at our home for a few weeks to follow birth.

A part of me had thought that once I’d had one successful VBAC, I would be ready to shift to a birthing center or even a homebirth. However, Justin and I felt such confidence in the birth team we assembled during our second pregnancy that we made the decision to keep the same team for our third now. It has been so special sharing our Charlie girl with them during this pregnancy now too- like we are not just building a birth team, but a tribe. Our providers have become a part of the family, in a way. Charlie knows them and brings them handprint crafts at appointments. They are watching her grow up and having conversations with her about becoming a big sister. It’s a prayer I have for any birthing mom because it’s just so beautiful to get to experience.

What I Packed In My Hospital Bag

I only just packed this bad boy last night (at 39 weeks) because I felt overconfident as a third time mom that I knew what I needed this time and could do it quickly. Here’s a peek at what I packed….

**As an Amazon affiliate, I do receive a small commission on anything purchased through my links. My personal conviction is that I do not recommend or share links to anything I have not personally purchased or tried. Thank you for your support of our family and my writing as you shop these links. And please be reminded that true joy is not found in materialism or comparison, so I pray there is never any pressure to purchase something just because it’s what another person is doing. You are equipped with the Holy Spirit to make the right decisions- including purchases- for your family and budget.

For Justin:

Okay, I admit this was unnecessary, but it is so fun. I ordered Justin a labor “hype” shirt with my name and several pictures of me arranged in a collage. I had intended to keep it as a surprise until we got to the hospital. I was going to ask my doula to have a side conversation with the nurse about setting up the joke. She would come into the room to inform Justin of a “new hospital policy” which required all fathers to wear supportive gear for their women in labor and then present him with the shirt. As he unraveled the shirt and saw the pictures, he would be caught off guard and given a good laugh. Birth has carried a lot of heavy emotions in the past with Savannah’s immediate transport to a children’s hospital and then the complexity of pregnancy after loss and medical trauma (and not to mention- during a hurricane!) so I wanted this time to feel lighthearted and celebratory in a new way.

The more I thought about it, however, the more I realized that the timeline of second natural-born babies typically differs. I didn’t want to forget to give it to him if delivery was faster paced than I first anticipated. I ended up presenting it to him at home to pack in his hospital bag and his reaction was just as good. The rest of his bag is up to him. He has yet to pack… Ha!

For Me:

• A simple spaghetti strap black cotton dress to labor in. This is the same dress I wore to labor in with Charlie. I threw a robe on over the top at night when I got cold, plus the hospital’s grippy socks. I would have brought my own cozy socks to the hospital, if I’d had any. Being a FL girl, that’s not something I keep stocked. However, I did find myself wishing I had a pair in those early postpartum days at home.
• A cotton robe for labor but also those first hours after birth. This is the one I have. I wore it with the mesh postpartum underwear and a cozy nursing bra immediately after Charlie was born for easier skin to skin bonding.
• 2 nursing bras. (I did not pack any underwear since I plan to use the disposable ones offered by the hospital at first.)
• A cotton, button-down, and nursing-friendly nightgown for that first night after baby’s birth. I love a nightgown for that first night to keep anything from pressing too firmly on my belly. You’ll especially want this if you are having a c-section. Mine is long sleeve because the hospital gets so cold. It’s also been through all three births with me by now and is so worn and pilly, but I don’t mind. It is Auden brand from Target.
• An extra pair of soft, button-down, nursing-friendly pajamas in case anything gets soiled. (I would have just packed a second nightgown if I had one.)
• A cute, photo-worthy pair of pajamas and headband that color coordinates with baby’s birth announcement outfit. This is not a necessity, but I have been so aware that there is only a handful of times in your life that you get to have the experience of giving birth. Pregnancy after loss makes you especially sentimental. I want to be intentional about capturing these milestones on camera, which means that I also want to feel good about myself as I am captured in them.
• A pair of stretchy-waist linen pants, a flowy, nursing-friendly t-shirt, and easy slide-on shoes for going home.

The only thing purchased new in this list is a pair of pajamas for the baby’s birth announcement photos. This one picture, if posted without explanation, could have the potential to produce an entire (untrue) narrative. And then there really are influencers who are buying everything all new and posting staged and filtered photos of their complete hospital bag contents. Don’t let these types of posts deceive you into believing that the things you already have are not enough. It’s okay if your tote bags are mismatched, if you don’t own packing cubes, or if the coziest clothes you own are actually old and pilly. Around here, we’re into building a life that feels good in soul more than it looks good on social media.

Toiletries and Extras:

• Travel containers of shampoo, conditioner, and body wash
• Toothpaste and toothbrush
• Deodorant- I haven’t tried the unscented version of this brand yet (slightly less toxic than the scented versions) but I’ve had lavender in the past and loved it. It’s hard to find cleaner deodorants that actually work- especially for a pregnant FL girl- but this one has been a repeat purchase for me.
• Face wash and moisturizing cream
• Eye masks for reducing puffiness and redness after little sleep
• A dimmable Hatch night light for middle of the night diaper changes and bathroom trips. This was one of my favorite purchases with Charlie- used at home in combination with my plug-in, red light nightlights.
• A long phone charger
• Wireless Bluetooth Speaker for listening to music.
• Headphones for listening to a birth playlist in moments I need to go inward
• My essential oil diffuser
• Scripture cards for keeping focused during birth
• A water cup and electrolyte packages- breastfeeding makes you so thirsty! My favorites are the LMNT flavors Watermelon Salt and Lemonade Salt. For Watermelon Salt, I like to use half a package at a time in a 30 oz tumbler. For Lemonade Salt, I can use the entire package without feeling like it’s too salty. It tastes just like lemonade. The Simple Modern brand makes my favorite tumblers. I started out with a hot pink one because it was Savannah’s favorite color and had her initials, but I’ve quickly ended up with all the colors. Charlie has YaYa brand, baby-sized stainless steel tumblers in all the same colors so we can match! My mom bought them and had the best laugh. We are blessed!
• A cooler with my first postpartum meal, which we will put into the patient refrigerator upon arrival. With Charlie, this was mason jars filled with an anti-inflammatory chicken turmeric and rice soup. It was just the warm, nourishing meal my body was craving after the hard work of labor. This is one of those items that feels so inconvenient to bring in the moment, but that I truly recommend. Most mothers have to rely on the hospital cafeteria (if it’s open) or a nearby drive thru for their first postpartum meal, but having something prepared is the kindest “thank you” to a beautiful body that just carried and brought forth a baby, and is now working to establish a healthy milk supply to sustain him or her. You just feel different when you have something warm and filling.
• Snacks for Justin and doula during labor- Chomps meat sticks, trail mix, Unreal candies, just a few little pick-me-up’s to have on hand for those moments exhaustion starts to set in (Even though I have hospital births, I take a very hands-off approach and do not subscribe to the arbitrary “timelines” of modern maternity care. My births take as long as they take, as I trust my body to do what it needs to do, which in the past has meant we are there for the long haul.)
• My own pillow and blanket

For Baby:

• A medium weight blanket for immediately after birth during our skin to skin bonding.
• A couple sleepers, a personalized name hat, and a lighter weight swaddle for being wrapped up afterwards. I’m not sure if this is pregnancy after loss or simply faith related, but I am big into personalized items as a way of remembering that God chose to create this child before the foundations of the world were laid and investing in their identity. I want them to know they were longed for and prayed over from the moment we knew of their coming. They were worthy of our preparation.
• A coordinating blanket to use as a bassinet sheet, outfit, and pennant flag with his name for birth announcement photos.
• A personalized going home outfit- an embroidered name sweater- that matches Charlie’s and will eventually be framed in a shadow box beside hers. Again, not necessary, but I am so aware these moments were never promised to me and I don’t want to miss soaking in each one as a precious gift. I got mine from Stitch & Grain on Instagram.
• A Ninni pacifier- best for proper oral development.

What My Doula Will Pack:

•  Essential Oils– Peppermint for nausea, and lavender for feelings of peace during birth. Lemon is also nice when you just need a fresh scent to boost your mood. We turn off all oils as soon as baby is born, since they are so new and sensitive. Clary sage can be run at home to help stimulate uterine contractions (use caution if you are a VBAC birth… research clary sage increasing the risk of uterine rupture), but be mindful of running it in a hospital setting if there are pregnant nurses anywhere near you. I’ve also heard of moms using some of the Young Living blends like Valor for feelings of courage and confidence, but their blends are not something I know a lot about yet. I hope to get there!
• A Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulation (TENS) unit. This is a portable device used for pain management by sending low voltage electrical currents through the skin to stimulate nerves and block pain signals. It causes a tingling sensation that can be distracting from deeper pains. I used one on my lower back during my birth with Charlie, and it was so nice!
• Cards with different supportive doula positions for Justin to reference if she needs to step out at any point.
• Peace and so much wisdom

Self Care Supplies for Mama

I consider myself pretty low maintenance. I do my own nails, but only for special occasions. I don’t get my hair done. I rotate the same two to three pieces of jewelry. I shop the sale racks for my clothes if I buy new, but I’m just as content to come home with a good thrifted treasure. Even when it comes to taking care of my body, I tend to tough out headaches instead of just taking something for pain relief. The extent of my self care is generally an hour or two set aside at night for a good book.

After my two previous births, I have learned that this hesitance to prioritize self care just does not work in the postpartum period, or really motherhood at all. When none of your clothes fit and you’re struggling to pull and stretch the ones that do to accommodate a nursing baby,  you realize that sometimes you’ve just got to be okay with investing in the season you’re in instead of trying to ride it out with what you’ve got. When children are still expecting your best as you’re struggling, you realize that symptoms (like low energy or brain fog or minor discomforts like headaches and stomachaches) aren’t something to grit your way through, but to slow down and seek comfort for the same way you would for them.

A mother that is nourished well, rested, comfortable and cared for, carries a confidence that impacts the way she shows up for her entire family. She’s able to be more present, patient, purposeful. Self care in motherhood is actually selfless in the right balance.

That’s why I am approaching postpartum differently this time as a third time mom, and one who has experienced the postpartum season both living in hospitals and a Ronald McDonald house and in the complexity of grief/motherhood after loss. With each of my experiences, I have learned to offer myself even more patience and grace than I expect to have to. I have stopped apologizing for the things I need to purchase to feel comfortable, be it bigger sized or high waisted underwear, herbal tinctures for balancing hormones, a couple new nursing tops or a new clean make-up set because it makes me feel mentally fresh when I show up for myself, get out of pajamas, and put a little something on each morning.

Here are the items I have stocked this time as I prepare my mind and body for my healthiest postpartum period yet…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bathroom Bins Stocked With Care For “Down There”

• High Waisted Disposable Underwear- I used FridaBaby in previous pregnancies, but I’m trying out a new brand- Dr. Talbots- this time after being turned off by Frida’s recent sexualized advertising. They seem similar in texture and fit, but I will have to report back.
• Peri Bottle- Again, Frida brand only because I had it from previous pregnancies.
• Organic Cotton Menstrual Pads
• Witch Hazel Pads to line menstrual pads. I used the Tucks brand last time, but I was excited to find this brand with simpler ingredients to try with this birth.
• Soothing Perineal Spray- This is also not something I used in my last pregnancies, but I’m excited to try this time. With Charlie, the witch hazel pads were soothing enough to satisfy me even with third degree tears.
• Boiron brand Hem Calm Cream and tablets– Homeopathic hemorrhoid remedies, just in case.

Supplement Support

• Arbonne’s Energy Fizz- I don’t typically drink a lot of caffeine and haven’t had sodas since high school, but energy fizz is a source I count on in that first year of motherhood especially. It’s 55 mg of clean caffeine from the Guarana plant and green tea for energy and alertness with no jitters or hard crash. It is also packed with B vitamins and supports healthy blood sugar levels. It comes in many flavors, but my favorites are blackberry and pomegranate.

I’ve gotten Justin hooked on these too as we’ve transitioned him off soda. I mix mine with flat water, but he loves to mix and match with different flavored bubbly waters by Waterloo. Waterloo even has flavored flat waters. Occasionally, I love a pomegranate fizz with a watermelon mint water. They taste a bit like cocktails if you find the right pairing! The first time I ever made this combination, I mixed it together in a tumbler and didn’t take my first sip until I was driving down the road. My gut reaction was mild panic because it tasted so much like the mixed drinks of my past that I was not convinced I hadn’t made a mistake and grabbed some kind of canned alcoholic drink. I pulled my car off to the side of the road and double checked my Walmart pick up order, praying I had not just drank and drove- WHILE PREGNANT. We all had a good laugh at that story afterwards!  I’m just a baddie with my flavored waters and fizz.

I’ve linked a customizable cart with some of my favorite daily essentials above, but just reach out if I can help you put together a personalized Arbonne cart according to your specific health needs. There are so many wonderful products made by this company.

• OxyPowder Capsules- concentrated magnesium that acts as a stool softener for those first few tender days
• Earthley’s Postpartum Balance Herbal Tincture- supports hormone balance, a healthy inflammatory response, and a gentle recovery from birth
• WishGarden’s Happy Ducts Herbal Tincture for Lactation Support-  Because I prioritize a healthy milk supply through intentional postpartum nutrition, I have to really make sure I’m keeping up with my pumping or it builds up fast. I got mastitis often while living in a hospital because my pumping schedule was often interrupted by doctors coming in and out. These cases were severe- high fevers, vomiting, severe tenderness and redness. I needed support from antibiotics a few times. I only got mastitis once when Charlie was small- as my supply was still regulating- but it was enough to teach me to treat this proactively versus reactively. I now keep supplements for lactation support on hand and use them as a part of my daily supplement line up. My prenatal is included in this line up. I continue to take it throughout breastfeeding.
• NORA tea for balancing hormones, aiding in tissue recovery, and building back strong blood stores after birth. I buy my herbs online from Mountain Rose Herbs and combine them myself but you can buy a premade mix from companies like Beautiful One Midwifery.

There are also a lot of good homeopathy supports for pregnancy and postpartum that I am still looking into and learning about. Wellness is such a journey, and you’re always adding to the skills and wisdom you have.

Clothes, Accessories, and Other Support

• Grace and Stella eye masks- for reducing puffiness and dark under eye circles on mornings after little sleep
• New nursing bras-  These scalloped t-shirt style bras have been my favorite for around town. They feel supportive like a real bra. And this sports-bra style has been my go-to for around the house. I stocked up on 3 new bras in each style for this pregnancy. From my last pregnancy, I also have this style. They are the least supportive, which has made them my most favorite for sleep. I can forget I’m wearing anything at all when I have these on, but they’re just enough fabric to hold a nursing pad in place in case of middle of the night leaks.
• Bamboo reusable nursing pads
• New, nontoxic skincare products for helping me to feel rejuvenated after long days and nights.
• A restock of my favorite nontoxic, minimal make up products- Merit Brand- for helping myself still feel put together and capable each morning. Although this won’t be something I really begin utilizing until a couple months in.

Postpartum Meal Prep

In the year between losing Savannah and trying for Charlotte, I devoured any literature that had to do with pre and postnatal nutrition (in addition to other maternity-related topics). (My favorite resource was Lily Nichols’ book Real Food for Pregnancy.) I didn’t know what had caused Savannah’s heart issue and I knew God ultimately carried my children, but I was determined to do my due diligence including replenishing my nutrient stores before trying for another baby. As soon as I found out I was pregnant, it became a priority of mine to prepare a postpartum freezer meal stash for after birth as well. I knew that the first 1,000 days of a child’s nutrition had the potential to set them up for life, since this is when 80% of the brain is developed and the microbiome (which determines immune function) is first developed. I decided to pick up a job teaching summer school and devote one of my paychecks to funding a marathon food prep day with my mom. We scheduled it for just a few months before my due date. For weeks I gathered my recipes, compiled one massive grocery list, and arranged pick up orders at various grocery stores to get the best brands and cleanest ingredients of each food needed. Then,  my mom came over early in the morning and all day we laughed and shared stories as we sat across from one another at the dining room table, chopping vegetables and stuffing freezer bags. We prepared 27 crockpot and freezer meals that lasted through the first two months of Charlie’s life, establishing a healthy milk supply for Charlie, expediting my physical healing and protecting me from common postpartum hormonal issues, and filling my husband’s lunchbox with warm, nourishing foods as he left to support us each day on little sleep.

Many of my recipes came from The Freezer Family, whose blog you can access by clicking here. 

Having since left my full time job and becoming a single income family again, I knew that postpartum meal prep would look differently this pregnancy. Rather than one marathon prep day, I would need to build my freezer stash slowly by stretching my budget where I could. Beginning 3 months before my due date, I rearranged my budget each month to give myself a little extra money to grocery shop with. Then, I aimed to double my dinner recipes at least one to two times a week. For the most part, I prepared the same recipes that I had prepared in my pregnancy with Charlie. The difference was I bought my ingredients in bulk as I could, watched for sales on meat before deciding what to make, and planned meals that utilized many of the same ingredients in a single week to minimize purchases. By the time I started to burn out from all the shopping and cooking, I counted 26 meals prepared this pregnancy. Overall, I enjoyed the marathon prep day much better, but building a freezer stash slowly over time was probably more manageable on top of motherhood and more cost effective.

For this specific postpartum meal prep, I also utilized a sourdough starter that was shared with me just days before Thanksgiving 2025. I hadn’t had a sourdough starter since before I was pregnant with Charlie, so I was really excited to get back to baking. Especially now that I had my little helper with me, scrambling up her learning tower, begging for an opportunity to stir whatever was in my big stainless steel mixing bowls, making “boop” sound effects for every egg cracked after our favorite Lily Lou Tay, and sometimes sneaking a taste or an impromptu sensory experience (read: tiny hands in the bowl). Each time that we needed to feed the starter, we’d use the discard to prepare some kind of baked good or breakfast item with the intention of freezing them and breaking up all the days we’d usually just do eggs and potatoes. Eventually, as I considered that muffins and breads could also be used to complement toddler snacks, I began doubling and even tripling these recipes as well.

Charlie learned to count to 10 at only 17 months old as we counted eggs cracked, cups of flour scooped, bananas mashed for bread, and so much more. She worked on fine motor skills like stirring, scooping, pouring, and transferring. She learned about kitchen safety and proper hygiene in food preparation. We talked about colors and scientific concepts like hot and cold and what makes steam. Spending this time with her turned out to be such a special part of the postpartum meal prep. As I have watched her wash produce, develop an appetite for real, whole foods, and help make beautiful meals from scratch with her own hands, I have felt strongly that this time was spent well. Cooking is something that none of us get to escape in adult life but, if from an early age we learn to associate it with our family’s culture, caring for our bodies, and serving others well, it won’t feel like a chore. I have had the opportunity to build these foundations into Charlie at the same time that I prepared nutritionally for a brand new life. There’s so much blessing in that!

Setting Sis Up For Success

I think the 15-18 month old range begins my favorite time of childhood. All of a sudden, a baby becomes a toddler, language begins to explode, and connections are made rapidly with each new experience. Children also begin to transition to just one, long daily nap which frees up so much time in the schedule. Charlie and I leave the house most every morning for a different activity of the day. With each place we go, I have a list of objectives and vocabulary to teach her in mind. Our days are full and memorable at the same time that they are intentional and educational. And yet, they may not be sustainable for a short while as we prepare to welcome a newborn.

For this reason, it felt like a priority to include some age-appropriate learning activities in the birth prep plans. These activities would help break up those early days spent mostly at home and yet still create opportunity for teaching valuable skills. They would be both activities that allowed for special, one-on-one time together as well as engaging independent play. They’d also be organized or contained in ways that made them easy to pull out at a moment’s notice.

Here are just some of the activities I prepared for Charlie to help me feel like I’m still giving her my best, even once my attention is divided and our days are slow:

Art Supplies Of All Kinds- Crayons, markers, paint, watercolors, dot markers, stickers, scissors and cutting scraps

Sensory Bins In Plastic Storage Totes- Assembled and stored for easy access

Play Doh and Tools For Fine Motor Practice

Plenty of Open-Ended and Fine Motor Development Toys- I like to find quality wood ones at our local kids consignment shop.

Toy Rotation Bins Themed for Vocabulary Development- Some of our themes include Farm/Market, Community Helpers/Transportation, Zoo Animals, Underwater, and Household (baby dolls and accessories, dollhouse, child-sized kitchen and cleaning toys)

Giant Rolls of Paper for Drawing, Tracing, and Learning- Sometimes we tape big pieces on the walls for different types of activities, and other times we leave it on the floor and trace our bodies.

Dramatic Play Invitations- It’s not uncommon for our kids to come downstairs to an entire zoo scene set up with Mama’s old Beanie Babies, a “grocery store” with signs hung and play kitchen produce staged along tables and couches like shelves, cities built with blocks and toy cars across the living room, you name it. Each of these are invitations for our children to come join in and exercise their own imaginations. As they engage with these scenes, they better learn how to play independently and imaginatively, which means their attention spans also increase. This can be helpful when you need an uninterrupted hour of time to get different tasks done. There is also so many academic skills being developed in these experiences, which I will outline in a blog post to come.

Sorting Activities

Blocks and Engineering Invitations

Free Access To Books

Mats/Playpens for Taking Low Key Activities Outside

Simple Prepared Resources (like Scavenger Hunt Templates) for Walks Outside

Mindset in Late Third Trimester

If you’ve read SJ’s Story, you know the end of my third trimester of pregnancy with her was marked by so much anxiety. I mentioned at the beginning of this post that, at 35 weeks pregnant, when I should have been slowing down and settling in with my husband, I was moving into an AirBNB far away from the comfort of home. I woke most nights with panic attacks as the details of our future as a family hung in the air like a dark cloud of dread. We had been told Savannah would never make it to delivery, much less to the nursery at home we’d prepared, but we had done our best to boldly and deliberately prepare for her in ways that opposed words of death and declared our faith in God’s Word instead. Even believing she would live, however, there was so much that laid on the other side of her birth that we didn’t know. Especially as first time parents. Preparation felt impossible, and that added so much pressure.

I expected late pregnancy with Charlie to be different since we weren’t dealing with the medical diagnoses and we’d been parents before. I’d had the most beautiful, healthy pregnancy with her that I could have prayed for. I worked out 4 times a week all the way through. I had done extensive research on which prenatal vitamins and supplements I felt comfortable taking, enlisted the help of functional medicine practitioners and birth professionals to help me prepare, prepared my first freezer meal stash, read every faith-based or holistically-minded book on birth I could put my hands on, and leaned on the Lord in my weakest, most scared moments when trauma would try to rear it’s ugly head. Still, at the very end, as I watched my friends with due dates near mine begin having their babies as I still waited, I began to doubt that my arms would ever get to hold my baby. It didn’t help that she had me wait until 41 weeks and 2 days, either. In that time, my mind went to a place of self-protection, urging me to prepare myself mentally for never getting to bring this child home. I think this is the delicate reality of pregnancy after loss (child loss and miscarriage- and I had just experienced both). You’re so familiar with disappointment that hope can feel dangerous. (Also, as I reflect on this now, I realize it’s also why others’ drama can feel distracting during these times. Like it might rob your focus in a way that allows you to be stolen from again.) Late third trimester preparation looked a lot like bracing for impact. I tried to keep myself busy in the final weeks with birth ball exercises, bubble baths, and watercolor books, but really, everything within me just needed my baby in my arms.

With this third baby, preparation looks a lot like surrender. I finally feel as though I’ve moved past the heaviness of pregnancy with a prenatal diagnosis and pregnancy after loss. My thoughts don’t wander to the “what if’s” the way they once did. I’m not sitting and watching the calendar, wanting him in my arms so I can finally exhale. I feel content, even confident, in the wait now. I know he will come in the perfect timing and I trust God to protect and provide for us both through another redeemed birth, just as He has through this pregnancy. If anything, I have been hopeful this baby boy will take his time as I soak up these last precious days with Charlie. I’ve tried to make them so special for her, and to really savor them myself. Everything is about to change, and I’m both nostalgic and excited all at once.

 

Maybe you’re reading this as you sit in third trimester yourself. Maybe you’re headed there soon, or you’re still far off from these days but dreaming of what it might look like to prepare for another pregnancy and postpartum period after your son or daughter’s medical experience. Wherever you’re at in your journey, may you be reminded that there is no single preparation plan that makes for a good mother.

What are you doing to prepare, or what have you done before, that made all the difference? In what ways did you best learn the selflessness and surrender motherhood requires?